Thursday, 9 December 2010

I'm a tiny bit ashamed of myself because I actually fell asleep during The Phantom Menace. I'm pretty annoyed that I missed it all to, I was very much looking forward to seeing it again.

Had to register myself as disabled with student support because I skipped a lecture a few weeks ago and used my asthma as an excuse. It was a legitimate excuse, so when the guy was asking me if I needed extra time for my work and support in exams, I just couldn't lie to his face and agree that my asthma was both debilitating and out of control, because it isn't at all. I know many people who would have lied to get the extra help and consideration, maybe it was naive of me to be honest, maybe the people who get furthest in life are those that tell the little white lies along the way. I couldn't live with that on my conscience though, I'd feel eternally guilty and constantly paranoid that I was going to get found out, even if it is just a small thing. I guess I'm quite an honest person. Sometimes though, it drives me mad.

Sometimes when I know a small white lie would make a situation so much easier, I just can't do it, because the feeling of guilt creeps its way up from my toes and wraps its scaly arms around my neck. Bleh. Guilt has always been a bugger to me, I remember in primary school this girl insisted on being really nasty to me in school, but she lived on my street and out of school she was sweet as pie. One day I guess she must have pushed me to my limit, I think I was only about ten, so I punched her straight in the stomach as hard as I could. This was the first and last time I ever hit someone and meant it. IMMEDIATELY after my hand was safely back by my side and I'd realised what I had done, I felt this sensation wash over me and I burst into the hugest flood of tears. I was crying harder than the girl I hit. I felt SO guilty. She deserved it, but I still felt guilty and I still regretted it, because I just can't hurt people. It affects me too much.

When I got to high school, I think some people misinterpreted my honesty, kindness and my uncanny ability to get myself into the centre of trouble if ever it was brewing. Some took it as a sign of being two faced, fake or nosey. I don't know how, but they did. All I ever wanted to do was help everyone. I wasn't nosey or a busybody, I just felt terrible whenever I knew someone was upset and I wanted to help somehow. I don't mean at all to sound self-centered or high and mighty, although I probably do. Sincerity isn't the easiest thing to convey over the interweb :/

Annnnnyway. There are some strange noises coming from my lounge, and since I'm home alone I'm a little worried that we might have a house guest. I'm talking either a mouse....(this I can cope with!)
or it could be a giant man eating spider...?
or giant chicken eating spider of course...
then again it could always be a ghost hiding in the dresser...

Time for lame joke of the day which means I have to go into the lounge. I'm scared. Wish me luck.

I checked the dresser, I see nothing.

Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?
To check his balance!

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